1.  What can I work on with my child this summer?  Please give me at least three goals that we can work on at home.

Consistency is very important for your child.  Help him by continuing to practice learned skills.  While summer is a great time for your child to relax and disconnect from the demands of school, you don’t want your child to lose skills that his teacher worked so hard on teaching!  Generalization (or the practice of performing the same skill in different environments) can be a huge challenge for your child.  For example, he may have learned to write his name in school, but cannot do that at home.  What a perfect time to help your child practice skills in a different environment!  Use summer time to you and your child’s advantage.  Practice school goals at home.

2.  Can you please give me some worksheets so I can reinforce skills that he has learned?

Ask your teacher if she has any materials that you can use at home.  Some teachers have to get rid of old text- and workbooks to make room for new series.  Maybe she could give you some that she was going to throw away.  Many teachers would love children to practice skills that they have already learned. Your child’s teacher may be happy to make some copies of worksheets and activities. It never hurts to ask. If the teacher has reached her photocopy limit, maybe you can offer to make copies.

3.  Can you give my phone number to any parents of children my child befriended in his class? I would love to set up some play-dates.

Many parents are nervous to set up play dates for their children with Autism.  The parents of your child’s classmates may very likely feel the same way!  Make it known that you would love to help your child make friends.  Give out your phone number and email address, ask for phone numbers, set up play dates, and invite the other children’s parents over, too.  Remember, it takes a village to raise a child with Autism, and your child’s friends are all in the same boat.

4.  What kind of behavior system do you use in class? I would love to continue using that system at home.

Be sure to ask your child’s teacher about behavior management.  Why reinvent the wheel?  If a behavior system is working for your child at school, try using it at home also.  You may need to make some changes to the system, but it is better than not trying.  For example, maybe his teacher uses a green, yellow, and red traffic light system.  When your child gets to red, he loses a privilege.  If your child is familiar with a behavior program and it works, it may just work at home too.  However, if it does not work, don’t be discouraged. Remember that generalization can be a challenge for your child. He may be successful with something in one place but may have challenges in another.  Keep trying though.  With patience and practice, your child will probably succeed.

5.  Can you recommend some good summer programs that my child may enjoy?

Teachers are a wonderful resource.  However, the end of the school year is a hectic time and they may forget to tell you everything they know!  So, ask!  Many summer camps contact schools to notify them of their programs.  Perhaps your child’s teacher can tell you about camp programs that other students are attending. Some teachers cannot recommend programs because the public school system may not permit it.  However, you can always ask, “What camp are other children in my son’s class going to?”

Remember to ask people for support and help. Your child’s teacher loves children, is a teacher for a reason, and wants to help create successful experiences for you and your child.  All you need to do is ask!

If you are a teacher, and you have other ideas to add to this article, please comment below.

Most parents are familiar with using reinforcers—giving children positive feedback, and having a reward system in place to encourage appropriate behavior.  Some children will not complete a 10-piece puzzle unless they are rewarded with verbal reinforcement, such as “Good job! Way to go!”

As children get older, you may notice that it is getting more difficult and much more expensive to reward them. Food, often the most cherished reward for young children, loses its attraction, and stickers may no longer be effective. You may find that you are using up all the memory on your phone with “Angry Birds” or “Super Mario Brothers” games, and you are running out of ideas of how to get your child to complete his homework or his chores without a tantrum.  Perhaps you have heard him say, “I don’t care.  This is stupid.  You do it.  I don’t want to do it.”

Of course, rewarding and reinforcing good behavior is important, but if overused, there is the possibility of shaping children into becoming overly reliant on praise and rewards.  Sometimes children need to complete an assignment or task just because they have to, without it resulting in a grade or reward. How do we get children to be self-motivated and complete tasks simply because it will make them feel good, they may learn something from it, or just because we say so?

Here are three ways to teach children the art of self-motivation:

1.  Teach goal-setting

Teach your child how to set goals.  Pick one day a week and help him create one goal. The idea is for him to complete this task eventually independently.  However, he may require your guidance and support at first.  His goal should be simple and concrete, such as, I will learn to write a capital B or I will throw a ball in the air and catch it.  Then help your child to create three steps that he needs to complete to reach his goal.  Throughout the week, help your child monitor his goal by reviewing which steps he has completed, and what he needs to do to complete the others.  When creating a goal, include how much time it may take to complete each step, and schedule that time into his daily routine.

2. Model self talk

Children learn many skills from modeling their parents.  Therefore, practice saying your thought processes aloud in front of your child.  For example, “I love being a teacher because I get to help students learn new information.  Helping others makes me feel good.” Or, “Exercising makes me feel so healthy. It also helps me sleep better at night.”  Sometimes, it is difficult for children with Autism to think outside themselves, so understanding the benefits of certain activities can be challenging.

Self-motivation means being motivated by internal rewards, doing something because it makes us feel good.  However, self-motivation can sometimes require your child to think about the future, and how his actions are going to affect a bigger outcome. It may be a challenge for your child to use his imagination and see how his behavior is going to affect his future.  For example, when you tell your child, “You have to study hard because it will help you get into college,” he may not have any concept of college because he has not experienced it yet.  However, if you practice talking through your thought processes aloud, it will help your child understand that sometimes we have to do things with the future in mind.  Allowing your child to hear what is going on inside your mind, will also help him understand what others are thinking and feeling.

3. Provide feedback and guidance

While the idea of teaching your child self-motivation is all about independence, it is still important for you to provide him with feedback.  Let him know that you are proud of him and that he is doing a great job as he works on his goals.  When you provide him with feedback, be specific.  Try not to just say, “Good job,” but rather, “You are doing such a great job practicing your handwriting.  Your writing is so much easier to read now.”  Don’t be afraid to offer suggestions and constructive criticism as well.  For example, instead of saying, “You need to take more time to work on your goal,” help your child schedule this time into his routine.  Say, “Every Wednesday at 4:00 pm is a good time for you to practice your baseball swing.”

Self-motivation takes practice.  However, your child’s life will be much easier if he knows the value of completing a task without being constantly rewarded.  While positive reinforcement and rewards are very important and motivating, it is also essential that children learn the internal value of how good it feels to reach a goal.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this subject.  Please feel free to comment below.

Editor: Ymkje Wideman

www.Ymkje.com

By Jennifer Lingle, M.Ed.

It is often a challenge for parents to find ways to connect with their child with Autism.  They face difficulties when looking for common ground with their child.  How do you get your child, who makes no eye contact, to notice you?  How do you get your child, who seems to have no interest in anything but lining up his cars, to interact with you?

Here are five ways to help engage your child in meaningful interactions:

1. Get on the same level.  Make a list of your child’s favorite activities, including repetitive interests, such as repeatedly rewinding and playing a video, lining up cars, etc.  When you interrupt your child’s repetitive behaviors, he may often act as if he does not notice you, and fix whatever it is that broke his routine. For example, he is lining up trains. You sit on the floor with him, take a train out of line, and start rolling the toy up his arm.  If he takes the train out of your hand and places it back in line, try again, but this time do something really attention grabbing.  Take the train out of the line, make a loud “choo-choo” sound, and throw the train up in the air.  While your child may look up at you as if to say, “Why did you just do that?”, he stopped his repetitive behavior to look up at you.  Once you figure out a way for him to notice you, do the action again.  Except this time when he looks up at you, take another train and do the same thing.  Try to maintain the engaged interaction for as long as possible.
2. Imitate.  I often tell the story of my very first teaching experience with a child with Autism.  I had a 5-year-old student who made absolutely no eye contact. She was non-verbal, and loved to climb on furniture.  I wanted to connect with her very badly, but I had no idea if she even knew that I was near her. I wanted some confirmation that she was gaining something from our classroom environment.  She soon taught me that, yes indeed, she knew I was there and, of course, she was gaining something from her classroom experience.  I took her into the gymnasium and allowed her to run in circles, climb on things, and jump to her heart’s delight.  She climbed on a low-to-the-ground windowsill, and I did the same.  As she moved her arms in a circular motion, I imitated her every move.  All of a sudden, she looked at me from the corner of her eye.  SHE LOOKED AT ME!  I then moved my arms in the opposite direction, and SHE IMITATED ME!  Imitating your child is a great way to let him know that you want to get into his world. It may also help you understand what it is about certain behaviors that your child finds so gratifying.
3. Become a roadblock.   Does your child like to pace, run around the house, or walk in circles?  Become a roadblock that your child has to get around.  Stand in his way, and encourage him to ask you to move.  When he comes up to you, tries to get around you, or physically tries to push you out of the way, get silly.  Start doing a funny dance or sing in an awkward voice.  When he looks at you, or even stops and lets you know he is paying attention in his own unique way, engage him a little bit longer.  Take him by the hands, do a twirl, tickle him, let him know you want to interact.  Then reward him by letting him continue his pacing behavior.  Wait a couple of minutes, and be a roadblock again!
4. Take control. Once you find some of your child’s favorite activities, try to become in control of them.  Here’s what I mean.  If your child likes to rewind and play a movie repeatedly, stop the movie.  Encourage your child to request more of the movie, verbally, through sign language, or by using a symbol.  Once he requests “more movie,” let him play the movie again.  15 seconds later, stop the movie again.  This time when he requests “more movie,” try to hold onto the interaction.  Ask him to touch his head, his nose, and then request “more movie.”  Continue this engaging interaction a few more times, and then allow him to return to his repetitive behavior.
5. Engage through movement.  Your child, like many children with Autism, probably loves movement.  He may jump on the couch or bed, run back and forth in your home, or rock in his seat.  Use your child’s need and love of movement to engage him in other activities.  First, join him by imitating his movement. Then introduce another activity while he is moving.  For example, when he is jumping on a couch or bed, take him by the hands and jump with him.  You don’t have to jump on the couch or bed with him, of course, but you can jump up and down on the floor.  Then start counting, or sing a song with him. Try interacting through movement by throwing or rolling a ball to your child.  When you get the ball, do something silly with it, like putting the ball on your head.  Your child may even copy you.

Finding ways to engage and interact with your child can be challenging, but it can also be a lot of fun.  Get creative with it!  Constantly look at every small interaction with your child as an opportunity to hold his attention and engage him for longer.

Please note: I am going to refer to your child as a boy.  If you have a daughter, please know that this is for you too.  It gets confusing switching between genders.  So here we go.

Do you eat at home with your family every evening because it is easier than dealing with your child misbehaving in a restaurant? Do you leave your child at home with someone else when you go to the store?  Do you organize your life around your child’s potential meltdowns?  YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

There are many triggers in the environment that can set your child off, which is why so many families prefer to stay home.  However, by not exposing your child to new experiences in his natural environment, you are not teaching him how to handle himself in the world outside of his home.  Your child needs you to teach him what to do, and after reading this article, you are going to be better equipped to handle it!

When your child misbehaves, it is usually because something has set him off and triggered his behavior.  There is always a reason for any behavior.  When something in your child’s environment makes him uncomfortable, he is going to react; when something upsets him, he is going to be angry.  All children get frustrated and throw an occasional tantrum. However, a child with Autism may find it difficult to communicate his frustrations to you, let alone calm himself down, so it becomes difficult for parents to determine which factors caused a meltdown.

Autism may interfere with your child’s ability to express his frustrations, but Autism is not necessarily the cause of your child’s behavior, and it can make discovering the reasons for the behavior more difficult. Sometimes you may have absolutely no idea what is upsetting him.  You try to investigate and look at every possible cause, but even then, you may not be able to figure out why your child got so upset. Sensory integration issues may make your child even more sensitive to his environment, and he may get himself into such a deep state of distress that it seems nearly impossible to get him out of it.

But don’t despair! Your life is about to change. The key is to give your child the tools he needs BEFORE a tantrum occurs so that he can learn to communicate his distress effectively.  The following preventative measures will set you and your child up for success, so you can start enjoying the world as a family.

1. Have a system in place wherever you go.  Systems require planning, but after awhile, it will be second nature to you. Establish what you will do if your child tantrums, and where you will go.

2. Use visual strategies everywhere at all times.  Explain to your child where you are going before you get there using written words, pictures, photographs, and symbols.  Don’t presume that he knows where you are going just because you go there every day.  Many parents say, “I told him where we were going, we go there all the time, and he should know by now.” Children with Autism are typically visual learners, so verbal directions may not be effective.  Use visual rules to explain expectations.  Different places require different rules.  For example, rules at a park are completely different from rules in a public library.  If you are going to the grocery store, give your son a list of items (using pictures or words) that you need to buy.  Have him become a part of the shopping process by letting him check items off the list.

3. Bring two or three fidget toys or distracters with you wherever you go.  You never know when you are going to need them.  Fidget toys and distracters can include play-dough, a squishy ball, an iPod, etc.  These items work great when your child has to wait in line or if you stop to speak with an old friend.

4. Use a “wait” symbol.  Have your child hold a sign that says, “Wait” anytime he is required to do so.  You can also use this if you are in line somewhere or he has to wait for his turn.  When his wait time is over say, “Okay, it’s your turn,” and then take the sign back.

5. Bring earplugs and sunglasses with you.  The lights and sounds in stores and in the car can be overwhelming.  At first, he may resist using the earplugs and sunglasses, but keep trying.  It may take an adjustment period.

What else can I do to create successful shopping and restaurant experiences?

1. If your child is self-injurious, the most important thing is to keep him safe. If he is banging his head on the floor or hitting his body, you may need to hold him to keep him safe.  During this time, remember, “What goes up must come down.”  He is not going to continue screaming like this forever.  It may seem like hours, but it’s only been 30 seconds.  He will calm down!  Create a mantra in your mind, “My child is not going to behave like this forever.  It is a tantrum, everybody has them, and he will calm down.”

2. If your child misbehaves in a store or restaurant, take a deep breath.  Don’t worry about the people around you (easier said than done, I know).  If people are staring at you and you are feeling uncomfortable, you can give them an Autism Information Card.  Your main concern is keeping your child safe and giving him the tools he needs to get through this meltdown.  If you feel you need to leave the store or restaurant, then by all means, leave.  However, you must return to the store on another day.  When you try again, you and your child will be better prepared for the outing.  It is imperative that you create positive experiences in the same places where the meltdown occurred.  If you do not return to the store, you are doing him a disservice by sheltering him from the real world.  Practice makes perfect.

3. With your visual strategies in hand show your child a picture of “angry”. Let him know, “I know you are so angry right now.  You need to take three deep breaths.  One, two, three.”  It is important to both verbally and visually identify how your child is feeling to help him better understand his emotions.  Pointing to a picture of “angry” lets him put a name to his feelings.  Use a visual strategy that breaks down the steps involved in decreasing the inappropriate behavior, including deep breaths, squeezing a ball, and using his words (or a communication device).

4. Make sure to keep track of your child’s behaviors.  Write down the ABC’s of behavior, which are the Antecedents (what was happening before the inappropriate behavior occurred), the Behavior (such as, screaming, kicking, crying, etc.), and the Consequences (how you reacted to your child’s behavior, and how your child reacted to your intervention).  Writing things down may seem tedious, but it will be worth it.  Often times you will notice patterns when you look back at your journal entries.

5. You are doing the best you can.  Give yourself credit.  You are creating experiences for your child.  You can do this.  You will do this.  Each time you practice these strategies the process will become easier.  Keep up the great work.

Please understand that I know how difficult it is for parents of children with Autism.  I know you are doing the best you can under your circumstances.  It’s not easy!  My hope is that by providing you with some helpful strategies, you will feel empowered.  You will have the confidence you need to take a deep breath and say, “I can do this. I am going to give my son the tools he needs to handle any situation.” Ready, set, BREATHE!

 I would love to hear your thoughts.  Please share with me, what challenges do you have when taking your child out in the community? 

Edited by Ymkje Wideman

www.ymkje.com

How to keep your child calm when you need a

ten-minute break

It can be very challenging for parents of children with Autism to do a simple task, like cooking dinner for example, without worrying that their child is going to run out the door.  Sometimes they feel like they can’t even go to the bathroom with the door closed because they don’t know what their child will do.  Many children with Autism get bored when they are left to themselves, and they have difficulty finding things to do on their own, so I am going to provide you with a great tool to keep your child busy and calm when you need ten minutes to yourself.  You can use this tool also when your child’s behavior is escalating, but he is not quite yet in meltdown mode where objects go flying, or heads go banging.  I introduce to you…

THE CALMING BOX™

Important information about The Calming Box™

• Only place activities or games in the box that your child can independently complete.  The Calming Box™ is not for teaching new skills.
• The tasks should have a clear beginning and end.
• The games should be motivating, fun, and new.
• Your child should only have access to The Calming Box™ at specific times, to make sure that the games stay fun.
• The games can be repetitive, which can be calming for your child.
• You can switch out the games every two to three weeks.
• Only place three activities in the box.
• You can use a Tupperware container, a cardboard box, or even a pillowcase (but then you have to call it The Calming Bag!)
• Place a photograph of The Calming Box™ in your child’s schedule.
• Place The Calming Box™ in an accessible place, so your child can see and request it.
• Have an area set up for your child where he can use the activities in the box (i.e. a quiet area, a clean tabletop, inside a tent, under a table, etc.)
• The first few times, pay attention to your child’s reaction to the activities that are in the box.  If the games are too stimulating, you may want to switch them out for calming ones.

What to put in The Calming Box™ 

• Puzzles: Make sure they are not too difficult for your child to complete them on his own.
• Stickers and a piece of paper with dots on it: Your child can put the stickers on the dots.
• Lego or blocks:  Have photographs of Lego structures so your child can copy the same patterns.
• Coloring pages: Encourage your child to color inside the lines.
• Sorting activities: Your child can place colored objects in bowls of the same colors.
• Gluing activities: Your child can glue his favorite pictures on paper.
• Matching and gluing activities: Your child can match and glue corresponding pictures on paper.
• Putting coins in a piggy bank: Your child may love this repetitive activity.
• Playing cards: Your child can sort and put the same cards into corresponding piles.

After reading this, you may feel like The Calming Box™ takes too much preparation and that you don’t have time to do all this. You are right. You will have to prepare many of these activities ahead of time.  However, by creating activities for The Calming Box™ and setting up this program, you are setting both you and your child up for success.

When to give The Calming Box™

• When you are cooking dinner
• When you have to use the bathroom
• When you need to talk on the phone
• Before a high anxiety activity, i.e. bath time, bedtime, school, etc.

It is always good to maintain structure and routine, but there are often times when things come up that you and your child are not prepared for.  The Calming Box™ is the perfect activity for those times, because your child will be familiar with the activities in the box AND he will find them calming.

Many children with Autism find repetitive activities calming; they listen to the same song repeatedly, they watch videos (rewind, play, rewind, play), they flick string, spin, jump, etc.  You are most likely very familiar with the behaviors that your child participates in to calm himself.  However, providing your child with alternatives to these sensory seeking behaviors teaches your child self-regulation.  Self-regulation is the act of knowing how to calm yourself and how to get your body moving when necessary.  The Calming Box™ helps to teach your child how to calm himself down and promotes independence as your child tries completing these activities independently.

If your child asks you for The Calming Box™, by all means, let him have it!  Requesting this box, may be your child’s wonderful way of telling you that he needs to calm himself down.

If you have any other questions about alternatives to inappropriate behaviors, promoting independence, and ways to assist your sensory seeking child, please feel free to email the Director of Autism Consulting and Training, Inc. at JenniferLingle@AutismConsultingandTraining.com.

Jennifer offers a free “Getting to Know You Call” to find out more about your challenges and to offer you a Next Steps Action Plan.

From information gathered from interviews and surveys, many parents expressed that hygiene issues are one of their biggest concerns. Children with Autism sometimes experience a breakdown in understanding the importance of cleanliness. They do not automatically understand that if they don’t shower, germs may make them sick, and when they smell bad, it is difficult to make friends. Because these outcomes may not matter to them, it is important to teach them the importance of good hygiene, and to care about being clean. Below are some tried-and-proven tips that focus on helping your child to shower or take a bath daily without you or your child melting down.

1. Place a bath or shower symbol in your child’s daily schedule.  Make sure that you schedule your child’s bath/shower during a time when she is not going to feel rushed. If your child has difficulty getting into the bathtub or shower, be patient and let her take some time to get adjusted to this transition.
2. Make taking a bath/shower part of your child’s daily routine.  Taking a bath/shower is not a choice, but a must. Just like going to bed and eating are not optional and essential for survival, bathing or showering should be a part of your child’s schedule every day.
3. Respect your child’s sensory needs.  There are many overwhelming stimulators when taking a bath or shower: the sound of running water, the water itself, the steam, the smell of soap and shampoo, etc. Bathing can cause a sensory overload for your child.  You can try different types of soaps and shampoos to ensure that your child is comfortable.
4. Create a task strip, breaking down each individual step involved in the bath or shower.  Include turning on the water, wetting the whole body, putting soap on a washcloth or sponge, etc. If your child tends to forget to wash certain parts of her body, you can include this in the task strip also.  Write down every part of the body that you want her to wash. Laminate the task strip and hang it in the shower.
5. Use a timer to either encourage your child to stay in the bath/shower longer or to get her out of the bath/shower if she tends to take too much time.  You can also try using music instead of a timer. Create a CD that she can listen to while in the bathroom for the length of her bath or shower time.  When the CD is finished, it is time to get out.
6. Remember that typically, children on the Autism spectrum have difficulty understanding the thoughts and feelings of others.  You can explain the importance of hygiene to your child by using a picture social story. Describe how others feel and what they think when someone does not take a bath or shower. Be clear about how other kids may not want to hang out with her if she smells bad. This thought process may not come naturally to your child, so using something motivating, like your child’s desire to have friends, if she cares about this, may encourage her to take a bath or shower.
7. Place a picture of a motivator or reward after the bath/shower symbol in her daily schedule.  Reward appropriate behavior with a desired activity or item.
8. Try using a chart with stars or stickers.  Clearly define the requirements for receiving a star or sticker. For example, if your child needs to wash her body with soap, write, “Wash your whole body with soap to earn 1 sticker.”  Make an agreement with your child that if she gets seven stickers she will earn a reward.  Be sure to use a very exciting reward as her motivator.

Hygiene issues can get worse as your child gets older.  The longer she goes without a strict routine to adhere to, the worse the behavior can become. However, with some organization, planning, and creative ideas, you can motivate your child to complete the desired task. Remember that your child is visual and learns from repetition, and don’t give up!  If a strategy doesn’t work the first time, or even the second, third, or fourth time, keep trying.  It will get easier!

If you found this post helpful, please leave a comment!

Editor: Ymkje Wideman

By Jennifer Lingle

Parents often tell me that their children with Autism have food issues. They say that their children are sensitive to certain foods, and can be very picky eaters. This article addresses three reasons why children with Autism can be picky eaters, followed by suggestions on how to help your child to eat better.  Of course, some children with food issues may have sensory processing challenges, so please keep that in mind as you read on.

Reason 1

Many children with Autism tend to be visual learners, so if the food looks different, your child thinks that it is different.

Many of your children keep eating the same foods, because they find contentment in knowing that the food is predictable, looks the same, and will taste exactly how they remembered it.

Have you ever gone to the grocery store to buy your child’s favorite cookies, only to notice that the cookie packaging had changed?  There was a different picture on the front of the box. You didn’t think much about this, because you were sure the cookie was going to taste the same. However, when you got home, your child started looking through the grocery bags for his container of cookies, and couldn’t find it.  You took out the new box and said, “Here is your box of cookies.  It has a different cover but the cookies are the same.”  Your child threw the box on the floor and had a total meltdown.  Why did this happen? The packaging was different, and it looked like his predictable cookies had suddenly changed. It threw his world into complete disarray.

Did you ever go out for dinner as a family to a restaurant that you know has your child’s favorite macaroni and cheese?  You put a lot of thought into choosing this restaurant because you wanted to make sure there was something for your child to eat.  However, when his order of macaroni and cheese got to the table, the macaroni was shaped differently, and the cheese was cheddar instead of American cheese. The color of the cheese was the same, but the smell was slightly different. Your child started banging his head on the back of the booth because the macaroni and cheese that you promised him looked nothing like what he expected.

Possible solutions:

It is important to remember and understand that your child thrives on routine and predictability. The best way to help your child prepare for something that is different is to consistently give him different foods and introduce him to new fare at home all the time.  Even though routine and structure is good for him, it is okay to create change within that structure. The structure is that you are eating lunch every day at the same time, but the change comes when you serve different types of macaroni, made with different types of cheese.  The structure is that you are going to buy cookies for him at the grocery store, but at home, you can take the cookies out of the box and put them in a container or clear zip-lock bag. You can also buy different types of cookies.

Another strategy that you can try is to make the food look a little different every few times you serve it to your child.  Break the snack in half, cut the sandwich up into different shapes, place the food items on different plates, or in different bowls, etc.

I used macaroni and cheese, and cookies as prime examples, because I often hear that this is what your children love. I also often hear that your children love to eat chicken nuggets, French fries, rice, potatoes, and potato chips. While these foods are okay to eat, it is important to include healthful foods in your child’s diet also, because his  overall health and also his behavior is affected by the food and drink that goes into his body.—But that is a topic for another article and another day…

Reason 2

The smell of certain foods is enough to drive your child over the edge.

If your child sniffs everything before he eats it, this is a good indication that smell is an important factor in his food consumption. He may hold his nose indicating that the smell is gross to him, even when you think something smells delicious.  He may gag at the smell of something, and even vomit. If you think that smells play a huge role in your child’s lack of desire to eat, here are some things you can try.

Possible solutions:

Play detective and start writing down all of these behaviors, so you can figure out why your child is acting a certain way towards food.  You may notice a certain pattern.  For example, the foods that have garlic may be nauseating to your child.  This does not necessarily mean that you have to get rid of all the garlic in his food. It just means that you are going to have to work a little harder to help your child become more comfortable with the smell of it.

Of course, you do not have to make your child eat a food he really does not like. We all have certain foods that we don’t like. I, for one, dislike mushrooms—the consistency, the texture, everything about it is less than desirable to me.  However, I am not going to have a meltdown if they are in my food.  I just pick them out, or order food without mushrooms.

I have the ability to find solutions to problems to meet my sensory needs, but your child does not have that ability. Your child needs you to help him find solutions to his food sensitivities just as seriously as a parent would react if their child had a nut allergy. However, it is important to keep exposing your child to foods that he doesn’t like, because, unlike a nut allergy, he may one day change his mind.

Prepare your child ahead of time if you are making a food that has an ingredient that he may not like. Let him know that you are going to be cooking a food with garlic.  Allow him to eat his favorite snack while you are cooking this less than desired item in the kitchen.  Place the food on the dinner table at mealtime, even if he isn’t expected to eat it. You never know, one day he may try it because he has been exposed to it so many times.

Another option is to try including a minuscule amount of the undesired item in his favorite food.  This can help him to work his way up slowly to eating the new food item normally.

Reason 3

The texture of certain foods may overwhelm your child.

Have you noticed that your child only eats mushy foods, or that his favorite foods are all crunchy?  This most likely has to do with his sensory needs.  Crunchy foods tend to apply pressure to our joints when we bite down on them, which may be incredibly pleasing to a sensory seeking child.  On the other hand, children who are extremely sensitive to touch may despise crunchy food, and may only want to eat mashed potatoes, blended foods, or shakes.

Possible solutions: 

If you are having difficulties getting your child to eat an apple because he only eats soft food, start by giving him applesauce. After a few weeks of exposing him to applesauce, get some chunky applesauce.  Then start adding tiny pieces of whole apple, increasing the size and amount of whole apple gradually.

Expose your child to new foods all the time. As I mentioned earlier, place food items on the table, even if you don’t think that he is going to eat them.  Also, try to place a new food on his plate at every meal. If your child is sensitive to foods on his plate touching each other, be sure the foods don’t touch. You don’t want him to go into full meltdown before dinner time even starts.

No matter what the problem, I often remind parents to try, and try again. The same strategy goes for introducing your child to new foods. Be patient and consistently keep trying.  Believe in yourself!  Believe in your child!  Believe in the power of delicious food!

Note:

If you think that your child has Sensory Processing challenges, be sure to mention that to your child’s pediatrician and treating Occupational Therapist.  Many Occupational Therapists work on food sensitivities with children with Autism.

Also, if you have any questions, please feel free to email me at  JenniferLingle@AutismConsultingandTraining.com.  I offer a free “Getting to Know You Call” to families to assess your challenges and create a next step action plan to help you and your child.

Editor: Ymkje Wideman

The challenges that parents face when trying to teach their child with Autism social communication skills are abundant. Some children struggle with this more than others do, but for most, it is very difficult.

When trying to relate to your children’s struggles, it may help to compare their difficulties in learning the ins and outs of a conversation to something a little more familiar—like learning to play a drum set, for example.

Let me start by saying that I do not consider myself a musician. I absolutely love and appreciate music, but I get very frustrated when it comes to learning how to play a musical instrument. I tried to figure out how to play the drums for years: My left hand has to tap the high hat with a drum stick; my right hand has to tap the snare drum; my foot needs to tap the kick drum; and I have to pull all those sounds together to make it sound more like music and less like noise.

I recently sat down at a drum set again to try to make all this happen, and that is when I realized that children with Autism struggle with conversational skills just as I struggle with learning to play the drums. It’s not that they do not want to communicate, just as my challenge is not that I don’t want to play the drums. The problem is that it takes a coordinated effort that does not necessarily come naturally for everyone.

Just as a drummer has to tap a high hat cymbal consistently throughout an entire song, your child has to focus on an entire conversation. This can take so much concentration and deliberate thought that your child may not be able to do anything else required for a successful social experience.  In addition to this, just as a drummer has to pay attention to what the other people in the band are playing in order to make music, your child has to focus on what other people are saying in order to be part of a conversation.

Think of everything that is involved in a conversation. While your child is focusing on a conversation, he has to look at the other person, not stand too close, not stand too far away, stay on topic, not interrupt, laugh at the correct parts, make comments to show he is listening, articulate his words, not talk too loud, and not talk too soft. All of these components of a conversation are essential for your child to have a successful social experience. Otherwise, his drumming may sound like noise instead of a finely tuned song. What a challenge!

Here are some suggestions that can help your child engage successfully in a conversation.

1. Teach your child what it means to “listen.”  Listening includes turning your body towards the speaker, looking in the speaker’s direction, and occasionally nodding your head to show that you are listening.  Recognize that your child may be focusing so hard on listening, that when it is his turn to speak he may have forgotten what he wanted to say. While some promote the idea of eye contact, you can also encourage your child to look at the speaker’s face.  Focusing on someone’s eyes can be so distracting for a child with Autism that he may not actually hear what the other person is saying.
2. Teach social proximity. Your child needs to learn that in most situations he needs to leave one arm’s length between himself and the other speaker.
3. Teach your child how to pretend to be interested. Let’s admit it, we are not always naturally interested in what other people are saying. However, sometimes we need to pretend that we are listening to the other person because it is the polite and socially acceptable thing to do. This can be a huge challenge if your child has difficulty with imagining and pretending, but it is a skill worth teaching.
4. Teach your child topic maintenance skills.  Practice staying on topic with your child.  Participate in role-playing games and have your child talk about something of interest to him.  Then interrupt with a comment that is totally off topic. Teach him what it means to be off topic.  Explain to your child that when he talks off topic during a conversation it could make the other person feel as though your child doesn’t care about what the person is saying.
5. Teach your child a variety of conversation starters for different people and different conversations.  Starting a conversation can be a challenge for your child, especially if he only wants to talk about his interests. Teach him how to ask open-ended questions, which are questions that do not have yes or no answers.  You can give your child opportunities to practice open-ended questions during meal times.  Put some conversation starters in a container and have your child pull them out to ask you during dinner. Some examples of open-ended questions are, “What did you do at school today?  What did you do at work today?  What movies have you watched lately?  What did you think about the weather today?”

By putting these suggestions into practice and teaching him what is involved in the complex experience of social interactions, you will prepare your child for the stressful challenges of engaging in conversation. While you are at it, just remember that it’s not easy to learn how to play the drum set; it takes lots of practice. However, when given the right tools, techniques, support, and patience your child can master a conversation just as I will master playing the drums one day!

Editor: Ymkje Wideman

Image: Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

By Jennifer Lingle, M.Ed.

When out for lunch one day, a lovely older couple and their daughter sat down in a booth near us. They went up to the buffet to fill up their plates as a family, and the daughter returned to the table first.  She sat down, put her plate on the table in front of her and quietly waited for her family to return to the table so they could all start eating their lunch together. Oh, and did I mention that their daughter had Autism?

Witnessing this, I wanted to go up to her parents and just hug them. I didn’t of course, as that would not have been socially acceptable. Instead, I decided to write about the experience.

Children with Autism can be very picky eaters, so I understand why manners tend to take a backseat at mealtimes. Parents would rather focus on getting their child to eat their veggies than harp on table manners.  After all, is it that important to teach your child to wait to eat his meal before the rest of the family sits, or to stay at the table until everyone is finished eating?

While it’s true that we have to pick our battles, it is still important to teach children with Autism the social skills that they need and can carry with them the rest of their life. The difference between your child requesting a “drink” and “drink please” may seem like a small one, but people really do respond better when we say our “pleases” and “thank-yous.” So if your child already mastered the word “drink,” you might as well throw in “please” for good measure.

Here are a few manners that could really benefit your child.

1. Saying please and thank you.  If your child is non-verbal, teach him sign language for these polite words, or encourage the use of symbols. While it is more important to teach your child functional requests, such as bathroom, drink, food, etc., there is no harm in adding a please and thank you; it makes a practical difference and turns demands into polite requests.
2. Holding doors for other people. This simple skill promotes an awareness of others.  It teaches your child to look around and check if someone is walking through the door behind him.  Holding the door open will also cause others to say thank you, which will reinforce your child’s thank-yous, too.
3. Not interrupting. You can practice this skill during mealtimes at home.  You can give your child a wait symbol while you are speaking to someone else at the dinner table. Pair the symbol with the verbal command, “Please wait. I am talking.” When it is his turn to talk, take the wait symbol back and say, “Okay, now it is your turn.”  You could also try giving your child the wait symbol when you are on the telephone.  When you get off the phone, take the symbol back and say, “Your turn.”  Teaching your child to wait while others are speaking is a life skill that will benefit both you and your child.
4. Staying at the table until everyone is finished eating.  Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to finish your entire meal because your child is still sitting at the table?  Of course, I understand that some children just can’t sit for long periods of time due to sensory issues, but perhaps you can start by encouraging this skill while having a one course meal of pizza.  Teaching your child expectations is an important ingredient in the social skills recipe.
5. Waiting until everyone is served before starting to eat.  Many manners in our society are best practiced and learned during mealtimes.  Any activity that involves waiting is a wonderful learning opportunity for your child.  Your child will learn to look at others and notice what others are doing.  He will learn to be more aware of his surroundings and he will learn how to be patient.  Waiting for others also improves impulse control.
6. Saying sorry, or excuse me, when bumping into someone.  Many children with Autism have a poor sense of where their body is in space. They may bump into walls, furniture, and other people.  If this is your child, he may not even realize that he has just knocked into someone. This is when you can say, “Jack, you just bumped into this gentleman. Please say I am sorry.”  If your child is non-verbal, you can carry “excuse me” symbols with you, and you can ask him to hand the symbol to the person he bumped into. Saying sorry, or excuse me, is a good practice for your child, and will help him in a variety of social situations.

Setting boundaries, guidelines, and expectations gives your child a road map to how to behave in different social situations.  Teaching manners may seem like a tedious task at first, but you and your child will be grateful for it in the end.  You will be giving him the tools that he needs to be a successful part of society, and because of your perseverance, you will be able to sit, relax, and enjoy your lunch in a booth in a restaurant in the middle of the afternoon with your family.  Manners matter!